Growth

2023 was hard. I changed jobs… twice. I was hoping the change in environment would solve the anxiety and panic issues I was struggling with and help to relieve debilitating migraines I was suffering from.

In retrospect, it was like putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound – not really properly addressing the root of the problem. Anxiety and panic may be play a huge part in it, is clearly not the only trigger for the lovely migraine attacks I am experiencing.

That being said, I am happy I moved away from audit – those types of deadlines definitely played a part in sustaining high levels of anxiety and causing frequent panic attacks. But it wasn’t the magical cure.

It did help me realise how lax I became in one of the areas crucial to protecting one’s own mental health. As I was sucked down the whirlpool of unrealistic deadlines and unreasonable expectations, I lost sight of my boundaries.

Boundaries, I put in place myself, I would just hop right on over in an attempt to prove myself in an unsustainable way. I don’t know why I tried to force myself back into the auditor mould when I knew I had long since outgrown it.

It took some stern words from some wise people to help me see that despite my experience being mostly audit-related, it was not worth staying in the profession if it was hindering me from living.

Hindsight is 20-20 though. As much as I love the audit standards and processes and the dopemine that comes from signing of sections in such a satisfying. That love did not make up for how intensely doing that kind work had eaten into my passion.

Somewhere along the way, the part of my soul that loves to add value to clients and my firm had eclipsed my love for auditing. Audit is not the most practical way to add-value to a client’s business as it consists of assessing historic financial information rather than a realtime look at their business… it was time to let go.

The thing with growth is that it’s not all bad… i wouldn’t be as good an accountant had I not been an auditor first. (Ps. Some habits die hard… the urge to audit is real.)

I also met the most amazing people along the way that helped to reshape and reaffirm where my career was going, what sets my professional heart on fire and what needs to be done to protect my mental health.

2024 has not been a cakewalk so far, but I can’t  discount how much I love learning new things, growing in different areas and being able to add value in real-time.

Now if I could just get these freaking migraines under control that would be great… The process of learning the triggers is long, but I know eventually we’ll figure it out.