Change is as good as a rest?

I never really understood what people meant when they said: change is as good a rest or a holiday.

I’m fairly good at a adapting in the moment to a sporadic change. But big life changes causes me so much anxiety. I like to know a process or an outcome, so I can be sure I am properly prepared to do it well.

My high school science teacher used to say: “operating under a small amount of pressure is good” – and I still believe that. A manageable amount of stress is what normally challenges me to do my best.

After being diagnosed and going through treatment / recovery, returning to whatever felt “normal” pre-diagnosis was strange and overwhelming.

I was worried the journey had broken the part of me that excelled under pressure… it took me a good couple of months to realise I had it wrong. I found myself reverting back to pushing myself past burn-out in an effort to keep all the balls in the air and pushing myself further still when realising I started dropping things. I was accustomed to punishing myself for “weakness” without assessing whether or not I was juggling too many balls to begin with.

No part of me was broken – it’s not so much me not being able to handle the pressure. It’s more the journey of recovery making me much more aware of when I reached my limits and needed to step back, assess / recalibrate and make a change.

The prospect of changing jobs freaked me out so much that for the longest time I didn’t too seriously consider it. And the period leading up the last day with the old firm and getting started with the new firm was daunting and stressful, and I questioned myself every step of the way…

But, now that the “unkown” element of it has passed, turns out the change that I feared so much actually came with the good kind of stress or pressure.

The kind of pressure where I’m challenged enough to adapt, learn and be creative with the tasks in front of me… but the pressure isn’t coupled paralysing anxiety.

I do now understand why “change is as good as rest”. It forced me to take a step back and look at what I’m carrying, re-arrange or drop some of the burden, and take up a new load with strength. It helped me to remember to put down some items I am struggling with by myself and to delegate where necessary – not for my own sake, but to also cultivate growth in others. It challenged me to move from my comfort zone and shift boundaries around a bit.

It’s still early days and I have a lot to learn. But I’m energised and content that whatever comes, I can and will handle. If I could kick the big C’s ass, I definitely have the capacity to prosper in this season.