A Legacy

As human beings, I think anyway, we all have an inner need to leave a great legacy after we are gone. For some, their idea of a great legacy is being remembered by thousands for their accomplishments, while for others it’s just to make sure the ones they leave behind know that they were loved. Neither way is right or wrong.

A legacy can, in the literal sense of the word, mean the inheritance left to loved ones to cover funeral costs or debts or just make sure that they are looked after during their time of grief. But also the personal imprint we leave on others. This abstract definition of the word legacy is the more important and lasting one. Money can be gone in the blink of an eye, or a house can burn down, or a car stolen, but no one can ever take away how special someone made you feel or how you know that they loved you.

A couple of years ago my best friend, Anélde, begged me for months to listen to Hamilton (the award-winning Broadway musical written by Lin-Manuel Miranda). She knew I would love it, but I, like the noob that I am, kept putting it off by justifying that I am not the biggest fan of hip hop music. Thankfully, I finally caved and started listening to it – I fell in love with it instantly and have lost count of the times that I have listened to it over the years.

The show tells the story of Alexander Hamilton as he goes from an orphaned boy to one of the founding fathers that revolutionised America’s early history. One of the golden threads throughout the show is Hamilton’s desire to leave a lasting legacy. During the song The World Was Wide Enough, Hamilton says the following: “Legacy, what is a legacy? It is planting seeds in a garden you never get to see” (2:12-19).

This line hits me right in the feels. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. It sums up, so beautifully, what a legacy is, what the impact of it is, and also how others carry on our stories on our behalf.

I can recall only a handful of times in my life that I casually considered what I would leave behind should I die young. I knew my story would not be one that the world regaled generations with. But when I faced the uncertainty of my own mortality it really hit home – what am I leaving behind should I lose this battle to cancer? How many of my goals would go unattained? How many of my dreams would forever be unrealised? Do my husband, friends and family know that I love them and how grateful I am for them? Would there be anything that I regretted not doing or saying?

It was such a kick in the shins to consciously start doing the things that I want to do. We all only have a certain number of days and at no point should we waste it by doing things that we are not passionate about, or missing out on the things that we are passionate about, forcing ourselves to fit into others’ moulds.

There is an example of a legacy that I carry with me for all my days, and especially now that I find myself in a similar situation.

My granddad passed away in 2011 after losing his own battle with cancer. He was one of the strongest and kindest people I have ever met. He was the patriarch of the family, and not in the negative way that that word is more used for nowadays. He was the father of the family. He made sure that my gran was looked after, after he was gone. Everyone who met him loved him for his genuine heart and sweet spirit. He was always ready with dad-joke, but also ready for real-talk with anyone who needed it. Him passing on left such a big hole in a lot of people’s hearts, a hole that will never ever be filled again.

I used to, and always will, admire his ability to fight, but back then I could only sympathize with the pain and struggle he endured. His battle was much bigger than my own, but after my experiences with the surgeries, the time in hospital and the radiation I feel an overwhelming amount of understanding and empathy for the glimpses I had into his fight. I have also hoped that I could emulate his strength in my own battle, because I want to make him proud.

Man, I wish I can video call heaven for a bit just so I can talk to him:

– tell him how much I respect him for keeping his loving kindness and his faith no matter how hard it was,

– tell him how much he inspired me by being himself, doing his best and keeping on fighting even when it hurt and nothing helped,

– tell him that I hope I would make him proud by continuing to get up even when it feels impossible to do so.

So when I think about what I am going to leave behind when I eventually do pass, I don’t want it to be a world famous biography or loads of accolades or degrees. I hope that it would just be a legacy that would inspire others to keep fighting whatever battle they might be facing.

I want my husband to be as happy as he can be and also not be stuck paying off my student debt. I worked my butt off to get where I am professionally, but he spent lots of hugs, handed me lots of tissues and made lots of cups of coffee to help get me here. I will never repay that support with a negative balance sheet. More importantly, I would want him to know how he is so truly and deeply loved as my best friend and soulmate.

I want my friends to know that every minute with them has made my life richer because they are in it. I want my family to know that I am who I am today because of all of the time and love they invested in me.

In a world with so much negativity we never know what the seeds we plant will bloom into. It should be our personal duty to make sure that those seeds are light and positive so that those arounds us, and those who come after us, may flourish.